shorter foley scandal

since the mark foley story broke, new information has been coming out everywhere like a sexytime explosion. so much has happened in this story that the only way to cover it all is in "shorter" form:

shorter mark foley: i do not blame my attempts to sex up teenage pages on the fact that i myself was molested as a teen. i blame it on alcohol.

shorter john boehner: i'm 100% certain that i either did or did not tell denny hastert about foley's predilection for teenage boys.

shorter denny hastert: the buck doesn't stop here. in fact, the buck never came by here at all.

shorter tom reynolds: i see no reason why we can't have a frank, honest discussion about sex predators in a room full of preschoolers.

shorter kirk fordham: yes, i tried to supress publication of the explicit IMs, but i did it out of friendship.

shorter joe negron: "if you want to support the president...vote for mark foley." (this would seem to be a direct quote, but the current version of the story has been reworded slightly.)

shorter ben stein: my best friend is a gay man who loves young boys, so what's the big deal already?

shorter matt drudge: something needs to be done to protect our poor, defenseless congressmen from the beastly advances of predators like those 16-year-old pages.¶