nightmare on edgewood

it's halloween! and while yesterday i stated that virago & i would go to a haunted house tonight, we ended up going last night because the forecast predicted rain for tonight. we didn't want to get stuck in the rain while waiting in long haunted house lines, so we went last night instead.

we chose to go to nightmare on edgewood at edgewood athletics, because it seemed like the best compromise in terms of proximity and price: most of the local haunted houses and haunted hayrides are way out in BFE in various directions, and most are on the south side. (there are only a couple on the north side, such as the hardee's stagefright which is on the grounds of verizon/deer creek music center. and last night there was an insane clown posse show at verizon so there was no way we were going anywhere near that.)

the first step was getting into costume. virago didn't have a costume and instead wore a pretty dress. but i had my new devo radiation suit from target (first blogged about here, and i was eager to wear it out, since i probably won't be doing anything halloween-related tonight.

the costume is basically made of tablecloth plastic. the material is exactly the same as you would find on one of those red-and-white checkerboard picnic tablecloths, except it's yellow. as you might imagine, this material doesn't breathe and collects a dewlike layer of sweat on its inner surface.

also, the costume is apparently designed to be "one size fits all/one size fits most", and since americans are fat, it is sized to fit most american fatties. it even seemed like the jacket and pants were sized to fit different people, as the jacket was relatively snug, and the pants were enormous fatty fatpants that made it look like i was wearing a diaper underneath, or was stuffing my groin with a couch cushion. pillow penis is not very sexy. also, wearing all that plastic is loud; i made crumply noises with every motion.

we forgot to take photos before we left, but were sure to take a few after we got back. virago took the pic above with the "night photography" setting, which explains the blur effect (i actually thought the picture was done and turned to pose for another shot while the shutter was still open). if you prefer, here's a non-blurry photo.

then off to edgewood, which is right off US-31 on the south side. i've never been very fond of the south side, and i've never gotten too familiar with its geography, so after a while we ended up on east st and i decided i was lost, so i turned off and went in search of madison. then, once we got to edgewood st, we spent another 10-15 minutes trying to find the place, which was supposed to be right there according to the directions. of course, it turns out that we hadn't been lost in the first place, and that 31 splits off from madison and follows east st after all. how people are supposed to know that i'm not sure, as i saw little to no signage indicating 31 at all. but we got there, which is what matters.

while you wait in line to enter the haunted house, which is a long and slow process, you are treated to hip-hop hits of the early '90s. yes, while we waited we heard such classics as "u can't touch this", "ice ice baby", "OPP", and "whoomp! there it is!" finally, we made it in.

the haunted house was pretty cool. you get led through it pretty quickly. it's often somewhat dark with tons of strobe lights everywhere, which can be a bit disorienting, and people hiding in every crevice, waiting to jump out at you. at one point you are led into a closet-sized area. i knew from reading the writeups on intake that this would be the room with the "drop-out floor"; and it was pretty exciting. the room shakes loudly like an earthquake. we clutched at the walls and tried not to fall down. then more madness, with the big finale being a cylinder-shaped rotating room covered in fluorescent paint splatters, which was pretty disorienting. i thought it would be interesting to take psychedelics and hang out in there. actually, that would probably be nauseating.

so it was fun. nightmare on edgewood is not open tonight, like many other haunted houses. i guess this is because it's a school night, but that still sucks... on halloween night, you should be able to go out to a haunted house. but there are only about 3 that will be open.¶